Medschool Madness

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Still Alive Part 2

Yes I am still alive. Now in Orlando doing my first rotation in Internal Medicine. Pretty cool so far, but crazy hours. At the hospital at 6:30 every morning and there sometimes till 7pm…yayyyyyyy nevertheless, posts will remain sporadic at best. Think of them as random shooting stars that you’ll always look for but will rarely see….


September 16, 2010 Posted by | Club-Med | 2 Comments

The 5 lb Burger Challenge

Yes 5 lbs of beef! In my last few days left in Grand Cayman, my friends and I decided that it was good idea to tackle this 5lb monstrosity of bovine madness (not to be associated with mad cow disease…hopefully). I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Can I do it? How much have I eaten before? Will I need a designated driver afterwards? How big is 5 lbs of meat? (that’s what she said?)

There were 4 of us challengers. Full of confidence, with pride and bragging rights on the line.

The b4 pictures:

Marko: “The Serbian Sensation”

Jim: “Big Jim” “Jimbo”

Matt: “The Texas Trailblazer”

Yours truely: “Big Mo Money”

Now we were all excited and ready for battle…then the opponent showed up…



now these 2 guys (Geary and Josh) in retrospect, did the smart thing and split one (but also failed to finish it)…following the Bro Code, we still gave them every demasculinating slur possible…

Gentlemen, start your engines (and may God have mercy on your GastroIntestinal tracts)…


Needless to say, once we started eating, the whole place was watching in amazement. An old guy in the table next to us asked if he could videotape the whole thing…kind of creepy but flattering at the same time…

Obviously forks and knives were the only way to penetrate this fortress of cholesterol and future visits to the cardiologist. There were various strategies and game plans, here are a few of them:

1. Meat first! This seems like a no-brainer. Don’t fill up on bread! Bite that cow!

2. Chew as much as possible before you swallow…the teath and saliva are your first digestive weapons…use them!

3. Pregame strategy #1: eat a big breakfast and no lunch, aka expand your stomach.

4. Pregame startegy #2: lots of gatorade for lunch…expanding the stomach with fluids, and giving you some electrolytes to prepare you for the “Meat Sweats” (yes, eating lots of meat will lead you to sweat)

5. 3/4 of the way thru the challenge…grapefruit juice…it’s an inducer of hepatic enzymes, and it’s acidity will help the stomach digest the meat

6. Half time lap around the Bar/Restaurant (Doghouse btw was the name of the place) Walking around helped stretch the body and stomach out, also allowing for any gases to be released if necessary w/o disturbing everyone…

As we all started, everyone was saying “wow, this burger is delicious.” “this is definately possible, I got this”…but once you get thru half the Beast (2.5 lbs) the comments changed to: “ummm” “damn” “I’m sick of this burger” “This doesn’t taste good.” “I want some fries.” (that last comment was me…)

This burger had 5 lbs of beef, tomatoes, cheese, letuce, onions, bacon (not on mine), thousand island dressing, all on a huge (and delicious) sourdough bun…I tired to do it w/o ketchup (to make room for more burger), but after 2.5 lbs, the taste of beef was brutal and ketchup and bread were entering my mouth in equal proportions to the meat…

1/4 of the way thru, I was full…

1/2 of the way thru, I was sick of it…

3/4 of the way thru, I was done!!!!!!!

at that point I wanted to die… Jim ended up eating the most with about 1 lb left…

I had about a half pound more:

Matt finished in 3rd place, with Marko (doing the smart thing quit halfway thru) We were all defeated…somewhere there’s a cow laughing at us, knowing that 4 guys are going to have a rough night and morning after…

The after pics…



I went in not knowing what to expect, but confident in my gluttenous abilities. I left with a hit to my ego, a stain on my shirt, and belly full of beef, but I have no regrets…until my first heart attack…

April 7, 2010 Posted by | Club-Med | 8 Comments

Still Alive

Hey guys, I’m still alive…sorry there hasn’t been much activity at Medschool Madness. The only reason for this is I’m studying for the USMLE Step 1 (the first of a bunch of medical board exams) I am currently in a Kaplan prep course (at my school) until the end of February. I plan on taking the exam in Mid-March (new meaning to March Madness). I will be then finishing up some pre-rotations at school and then….I’ll be back home for good!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats right, no more Carribean. I will be most likely starting my clinical rotations (last 2 years of medschool) in NYC in the summer.

Things that have happened since my last post:


2. I bumped the tail pipe on my Mitsubishi Lancer disconecting it from where it connects to the engine…aka…It is LOUD AS HELL everytime I drive it.

3. Although no where near as bad as Hati…I experienced my first earthquake 

Glad to see David Lee make the NBA Allstar Game btw

February 12, 2010 Posted by | Club-Med | 2 Comments

Birthday Immunity

We’ve all used the phrase “It’s my birthday!” to get away with an array of BS in our lives. For example, your short on cash and don’t realize it till the bill comes, or your at the bar, register, etc…”it’s my birthday”…other person: “fine, since it’s your birthday.” I decided to try this “Birthday Immunity” on something a little more…how to put it?…reckless.

So I’m drving back home on the eve of my birthday, after spending the day with my gf. Right b4 she leaves my car and says the usual goodnight stuff, my gf has gotten used to saying “no, speeding”. My readers know why she must tell me this every night…Most of the time I make an attempt to keep the old speedometer in the double digits, but while driving home I realized it was almost 1 am…hence it was officially my birthday…

So on a commute like mine, for a normal law abiding citizen…an hour should be spent on the road from drive way to driveway. This particular instance took me roughly 26 minutes. I made it all the way to my town surprisingly without any red/blue lights in my rear view mirror…until I reached West Saddle River Road (2 streets away from my house)

This particular road has a 40 mph speed limit…yours truely was going 60 mph (definately not my fastest on this road) I happened to notice a marked crown victoria coming in the other direction…busted! As soon as we passed each other, I knew I would make a new friend. I was so close to my house, for a split second I thought to myself “By the time he turns around, I could make it into my garage. Nah let me try the Birthday Immunity.” I already got to 1 street away from house by the time he caught up.

We did the usual “liscence, Registration, Insurance.” dance….

Cop: You know you were going 60 mph. Where are you coming from?

Me: I’m coming from Cranford, and I’m going home, I live right here actually (told him my address), I actually really have to go to the bathroom (partially true), it’s a long drive. I know thats not a good excuse, but it is after midnight and now technically my birthday, so if you could let me off this time, I’ll greatly appreciate it.”

Cop: “ok, I’m gonna go check your liscence”

(waiting in the car, 75% positive it worked)

Cop: “ok, first of all you saw me coming after you, so don’t make a cop chase you. 60 mph is too fast, you need to slow down, but since it’s your birthday, I’ll give you a break.”

Me: “thanks officer.”

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!! (ala johnny drama in viking quest)

So there you go…Birthday Immunity works (I’m sure being in my home town, a block away from my house, and a clean liscence in the last 2 years helps too…but lets ignore those variables for now…


December 17, 2009 Posted by | Club-Med | 8 Comments


No, it’s not a narcissistic attempt to change the name of November. MOvember ( is a worldwide effort to raise awareness and donations for cancer research. Basically the participants shave their facial hair on November 1st and don’t shave their mustaches for the rest of the month. Meanwhile, they collect donations for cancer research by having people “sponsor” their mustache. 

This was my first time participating in this noble cause. The longest I ever went without shaving my facial hair was about 2 weeks…but a full month without shaving my mustache was a challenge. I made it as fun as possible by trying to design different styles and being around school and around the island, I saw some crazy concoctions of facial hair artistry.

Here is a relative progression of my upper lip carpeting…

November 1st

stage 1 “The Staircase”

Stage 2 “Long enough to start designing” (about 1 week in)

Stage 3 “The Unemployed” (roughly a week and a half)

Stage 4 “The Arab” (about 2 weeks in)

Stage 5 “1920’s prospector” aka “Southern trucker” aka “rapist” aka “Genie” (about 3 weeks)

stage 6 “Borat” (after 3.5 weeks)

Stage 7 “Ring Leader” aka “1970’s Porn Star” (after 4 weeks)

Stage 8 “Charlie Chaplin” or “you know who…” (right b4 i shaved it all off)

Right now back to normal

To answer your first question…NO, I did not step outside my room after doing the “Hitler” i had it on just long enough to take the pic and do some “Heil Hitler” salutes in the mirror…haha jk jk…Ironically after i shaved it all off I got a knock at the door 5 minutes later…Imagine if that happened 6 minutes earlier…I don’t even know if i would have answered it…

At the end, there was a big event held, with contests for the best styles and to hand in all donations…Despite the insane itchiness, I really enjoyed participating in Movember. You develop a commaradery with your fellow MOsketeers…and it’s all for a great cause…

I encourage all guys to participate in the following years, who knows, you might even end up keeping it on when it’s all done.

Let me know which of my styles you liked best…and if you have better names for them…

November 28, 2009 Posted by | Club-Med | 6 Comments


So I’m eating lunch today in my room after a long Monday of classes, and all of the sudden I get a knock at my door. I’ve probobly had 2 knocks on my door since I’ve been on this island, so who could it be this time???? I open the door and its this black guy in his late 40’s/early 50’s with a clipboard. As soon as I saw who it was, something immediately came to mind…Here is the International Mob syndicate that’s gonna throw me into the turtle pit…

It was the guy on the phone who wanted that “survey”…Well he wasn’t lying, he really was from the Economical Statistics Department of The Cayman Islands…He came for that Interview/Survey…I was so surprised that he wanted me to take this survey so badly, that he was willing to come all the way to my apartment to conduct it. It took 5 min, we did it at the doorway. He asked me expected questions like: “When did I arrive on the island?” “How many people are in my household” “How do I pay for my tuition” etc…He was polite about it, and told me my room number just happened to pop up on the random computer search. The info is used to determine how the unemployment rate changes over the years in The Cayman Islands. It was 4.2 % last year…better than the US’s of 10.2%…but it’s probobly easier to find a jobhere since there are only 30,000 people on the Island. As soon as the interview was over, that was it. No fine, no hassle, no turtle pit (sorry to dissapoint the haters)…

Imagine if all the telemarketers and survey people in The US showed up at your door demanding an interview…Most people would be at their doorway for hours each day…or more likey looking for the turtle pits…


November 9, 2009 Posted by | You know what really grinds my gears? | 2 Comments

Deja vu all over again…

yanksIs it just me or does it kinda feel like the 90s? The Yankees won the world series, with Andy Petit pitching the final game, Jeter continuing his consistency in November, and Mariano Rivera closing it out…wow it felt good to watch that! It was an exciting post season and once the Yankees were up 3-1 I couldn’t help but having that same feeling of 100% confidence and expectation that The Yankees were going to be World Series Champions….just like the good ol’ 90’s.

But this 90’s nostalgia doesn’t have to stop there…Once again we have a Democratic President who seems like he can talk his way out of anything. USA basketball won Gold in the Bejing olympics, the number “23” is arguably the number of the best player of the NBA, The Simpsons still airs new episodes every Sunday night at 8pm, American cars are still inferior to foreign imports, Coke is still king of soda, McDonalds still king of fast food, Americans are still fat, Canada is still Canada (no explanation needed), New Jersey (usually a democratic state) has a Republican governor again, Jeniffer Aniston is still single, Jay-Z is still coming out with hits, and Boston still sucks…

If we are really going back to the glory days of the go go 90’s, then who knows what will happen…will The US be loved/envy’d again? will the dollar kick every other currencys’ ass? will clothes be baggy again? will we be saying “word” when we agree on something? I sure hope so especially the baggy clothes part…to quote Jay-z “can’t wear skinny jeans cause my knots don’t fit”

Ok ok, yes I know our president is black, the cadillac cts-v is amazing, number 24 might be better than number 23, at this point Famly Guy is far more superior than The Simpsons (that was really hard to admit btw), A-rod doesn’t have the lovable nature that Tino Martinez or Bernie Williams had, and the world definately still hates us…but if you just step back and look at the big picture you’ll see that we haven’t changed that much from the 90’s… “I will always love hamburgers, always prefer watching tv to reading a book, the Yankees will always be synonymous with greatness, and The USA will always be the best country in the world…period

I know the video doesn’t work but click on the youtube link and enjoy…

jordan       clintbama         saved by the bell

I’m sure there are some similarities I forgot, or 90’s moments that are worth mentioning, so comment and let me know your favorite 90’s moment/phrase/show/etc…

November 6, 2009 Posted by | Club-Med | Leave a comment

Middle Mo

For all of you who knew me back in the day (pre-2005), we all remember how “vast” my boarders were…Fine! I’ll spell it out for you. I was a chubby child, a fat freind, a big boy, a rotund rascal, a plump prince…you get the point. At my glorious peak I was 280 lbs (in 8th grade–>freshman year of high school). Needless to say, I was a very happy jolly guy in the good old days. As the years went by I started to lose weight, and during my sophmore year in college I dropped down to about 225 lbs. This was mainly achieved by increased excersize and about a year of strict Atkins dieting (0 carbs). As much as I’m glad I managed to lose so much weight, I don’t recommend a strict no carb diet, because it can literally kill you! However, this respectable weight (for somone 6 foot 3) allowed me to at least catch the eye of my current gf. In the next 3 years through my first year in med school I managed to drop down to a sizziling 185 lbs. A large reason for this second drop was because I moved to a Caribbean island, away from the comforts of home cooking, chain restaurants, and most good fast food. Antother reason was that I played basketball 6 times a week. Some may call me cocky by nature, but damn!!!!! I was hot stuff at 185.

HPIM1503   HPIM1504 Myself at ages 9 and 17

The harsh mistress of med-school studying, unfortunately forced me to scale the bball back to a skimpy once a week, in addition to acclaimating to cooking for myself and addapting to the local food. As a result of all this I was surprised to look at the scale yesterday and saw the numbe 230 starring at me with pure discontent. WTF!!!!!!!! 230!!!!!!!!!!!! I know the yankees are back in the world series but why is my weight trying to go back to the 90’s??????? Ok, I did go to an all you can eat Brazillian steakhouse the night b4 and my card was flipped on the green side 90% of the night, but still how could I allow myself to get to the crossroad weight…I’ve become the Middle Mo…right in the middle between 280 and 185…I must be very cautious. I have 2 options; continuing this slippery slope back to the “jolly” days, or I can pull the hand break and try to go back to the days of legitamate confidence (not the illegitamate kind that naturally flows thru my veins)

So here is my goal for all to hear/read. I aim to get back to down to a range of 200-210 lbs by the end of the month (November 30 2009) It’s not 185, but as a med student who has to spend 90 % of his day at a desk studying, I think it’s a fair goal.

My plan is basically to hit the gym at least 4 times a week (bball once a week), no more desserts (does not include coffee drinks, yogurt, fruit, sugar-free chocolate pudding), and minimize the carbs after 6pm. I’m pretty sure if I stick to this I’ll meet my goal. If anyone wants to give me other suggestions, then leave a comment…and wish me luck…

This should be extreme motivation for myself and everybody else who’s trying to lose weight…

November 3, 2009 Posted by | Club-Med | 5 Comments

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears #2 Threats over the phone!

So in my apartment I have a land line that is never used. Well, last night at 8:30 pm I got my first call. I was sure it was no one I knew, since I never gave the number out ( I couldn’t even tell you what it is). I picked up the phone with a curious, but manly “hello?”

Guy: “Hello this is (insert generic white guy name) from the Cayman Statistics and Econmics Department, how are you doing tonight?”

Me: “fine, how are you?”

Guy: “good, thank you. I am calling because we are conducting a random interview with households on the 3 islands (grand cayman, little cayman, and cayman brac) and your room 4135 has been chosen. It’s just a 10 minute interview and we can do it over the phone whenever you want.”

Me: “No thanks, not interested.”

Guy: “It’s not really a matter of interest, it’s a short survey that needs to be anwered by the households for statistical purposes.”

Me: “uhhhhh yeah, and yet again, I’m not interrested.”

Guy: “If you fail to cooperate, you will have to suffer the consequences…”

Me: “ha, well you have my room number, how’ bout you send me an “official letter” describing this whole thing, and once I get this “Official Letter” I’ll call you back.

Guy: “I’ll be happy to do that.”

Me: “k, bye.” (angry dissapointed hang up) “bitch!”

Suffer the consequences??????????????? Nigga what?????? What is this, the mob? This guy sounded like a 50 year old white guy. He gave me the impression like he was some government agency. But this also sounds like some telemarketer trying to collect some data and trying to get me to subscribe to “Cayman Vogue” (Turtles wearing the hottest new styles…if I ran it). What government agency is open at 8:30pm!!!!! So I’m pretty sure the consequences was some empty threat to scare me to do the interview. Suffer the consequnces?!?!?!?!? (in a Chris Rock voice) That lonley old man should be honered that I stayed on the phone with him past “hi we’re conducting a survey.” Just in case this “agency” ends up ambushing me in the middle of the night throwing me in a van driving me 45 min away to some remote pit filled with man eating turtles drunk on rum…then you know what happened to me if this blog becomes silent for a while.

I’m quite dissapointed that my land line virginity was anally raped by a telemarketer threatening me with “consequences”. But at least I got a good blog post out of it…

sopranos_wideweb__470x350,0                         angry turtle

Tell me what you think…1.telemarketer? 2. Legite Government Agency and I’m gonna get a fine for not cooperating? or 3. International Mob syndicate that’s gonna throw me into the turtle pit?

October 14, 2009 Posted by | You know what really grinds my gears? | 1 Comment

Woops: on a roll…

So before I even paid my first Cayman speeding ticket, I got pulled over again last night. I was kind of late for a b-day party (mainly because I was watching a 12 inning yankee victory in game 2 against the twins). As I was driving, there was a really really slow white chevy malibu that I had to pass. Little did I know… it was a cop!!!!!!!!! I got pulled over and the walked over radio’ing in my liscence plate number. Conversation…

Cop: “Why are you driving like this?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m actually really late for a b-day party. I was cooking some food (pointing to some ziti that I did make…and yes it was delicious). The cooking made me late. I know that’s not an excuse for driving recklessly, I’m very sorry sir and I’ll be more careful.”

Cop: “Ok.” (walks back to his car)

Wow!!!!!!!! Booyakasha!!!!!!!! If I said that to a NJ cop…pshhhhh $175 ticket, no question. That goes to show you, be polite in the Carribean and you’ll be alright…


Best homemade ziti ever…of course

October 10, 2009 Posted by | 1 | 1 Comment